You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
