omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
