OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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