that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
