Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
