I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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