everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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