3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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