So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
