end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
