So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Sober January is a disaster.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize