dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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