My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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