So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
