The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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