no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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