Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
