I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
