Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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