I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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