shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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