i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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