i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
