I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You need Xanax blowdarts
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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