he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the day after is always just damage control
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
