The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
