so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
