Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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