I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
