There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
