you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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