Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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