so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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