there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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