Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
