Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
