He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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