i'm signing you up for texting rehab
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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