Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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