so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
