I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
