She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
