that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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