I have demons in me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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