The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
