But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
