just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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