I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
