if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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