I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
