I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
