I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
