I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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