So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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