Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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