we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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