What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
