I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
