At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
