So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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