dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
