It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
FUCK WHALES
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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