3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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