so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
