I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
