So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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