It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
