So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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