this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
