there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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