I will die if light touches me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
