Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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