i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
