first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
