I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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