the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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