its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
