I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
