you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
