My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize