I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
