I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
