life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize