so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
