i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I love you. Go after that dick
Please don't give away my fajitas
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
