She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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