Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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