I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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