My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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