she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
