You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
