First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it glows. i had to have it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
