May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
