Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I bet he comes in French.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
