Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
