And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
