As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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