I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
