dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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