see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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