If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
