My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize