If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
