I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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