i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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