You made me cry and you don't even care
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
