My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
