is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
