Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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