U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You smell like stripper and shame
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
