Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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