Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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