Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
