Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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