my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
